Busted

Past midnight, I open the door, stepping in quietly.  I hear the clink-click and strike of the Zippo lighter, followed by three quick puffs. Vanilla tobacco wafts darkly from the living room.  My father’s angry pipe wants to know where I’ve been.

 

61 Comments Busted

  1. Jennifer G. Knoblock June 16, 2014 at 9:27 am

    Very nice–I love all the sounds and the way you’ve included smell and vision (it’s dark, but I can “see” both characters).

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Thanks, Jennifer! Never limit yourself to one sense. 😉

      Reply
  2. glasgowdragonfly June 16, 2014 at 9:56 am

    I wasn’t sure where this was going during your build up. My shoulders relaxed when I read it was your father checking you were ok. Nice choice of words/build up!

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Much appreciated…glad there was a smidgen of suspense in there.

      Reply
  3. theinnerzone June 16, 2014 at 10:55 am

    “Vanilla tobacco wafts darkly from the living room.” Very evocative.

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      Thank you! I wasn’t sure about using “darkly” — can a smell be dark?..but vanilla tobacco is so thick and wrapped up in memory for me that “darkly” was the only word I could imagine fitting.

      Reply
      1. theinnerzone June 17, 2014 at 3:13 pm

        I know what you mean, but it fits like a glove!

        Reply
  4. thewizardsword June 16, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    Your writing brings back memories, for sure! Nicely done. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      I hope they are good memories… Thanks, Susan!

      Reply
  5. angieinspired June 16, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    The smoking pipe does the talking. Brilliant.

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      Hah! Thanks. It seemed like an authoritative pipe.

      Reply
  6. innatejames June 16, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Such a commanding presence in this one without the two characters saying a word! And the way you described the Zippo lighter igniting is spot on.

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      Thank you, Nate! What triggered this was hearing my husband light a cigarette with his Zippo lighter in another room. How many times have I heard that sound throughout my life, and how little attention have I given it?

      Reply
  7. Christina June 16, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    fantastic sights and sounds. i was right there with you.

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:17 pm

      A great compliment — thank you, Christina!

      Reply
  8. fatgirlinboxinggloves June 16, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    Wonderful take on the prompt, Kir. I could hear the lighter. I could smell the tobacco. I could feel the fear 😉

    Reply
    1. fatgirlinboxinggloves June 16, 2014 at 4:45 pm

      Sorry, Meg ^ Kir’s pic/post is right next to yours on the grid, and I was thinking about reading her’s next. ADD is the bane of my existence.

      Reply
      1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:18 pm

        Hah! No worries, Karen. I’m on a marathon reading of Gargleblasters.

        Reply
  9. Suzanne June 16, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    Love your use of personification here, Meg! And great imagery – I felt like I was there in the room. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      Thanks so much, Suzanne. Although this is fiction, I definitely lived with that pipe growing up…I think it earned its authority. 😉

      Reply
  10. jetgirlcos June 16, 2014 at 7:04 pm

    Ruh-roh! That is how a fathers presence should be felt! I love this !

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      Hah! I hadn’t thought of that but you’re right. Thanks!

      Reply
  11. TMW Hickman June 16, 2014 at 7:35 pm

    I love the sounds, along with the image those sound provoke. I wonder what happens next!

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:21 pm

      Well, my father would have put me “on restriction.” Do parents use that term anymore? Sounds awfully militaristic. LOL. Thanks, TMW!

      Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      I’m glad you liked it. Much appreciated!

      Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      Thanks so much, Jacqueline!

      Reply
  12. C.C. June 16, 2014 at 8:23 pm

    I love this because certain smells/images truly do conjure up specific memories for us, and also because it evokes that too-familiar feeling of impending trouble when you realize you are absolutely busted!

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      Yes, our brains can be mighty powerful in attaching meaning to what we sense. Fascinating how much work all those motor neurons need to do to make that happen. Thanks for reading and commenting, C.C.!

      Reply
  13. cshowers June 16, 2014 at 10:35 pm

    I’ve been on both sides of this one. I remember missing curfew, and not understanding why my parents overreacted… Then I remember both of my children missing curfew, and I totally understood my parents reaction. Well done. You evoked a lot of memories with your post.

    God bless you,
    Cheryl

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Thanks, Cheryl. Yeah, it’s funny how easy it is now to understand what seemed so punitive as children.

      Reply
  14. Anonymous June 17, 2014 at 1:32 am

    Written beautifully…the images moved infront of me..as I read..:)

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

      Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      Thank you — so glad you enjoyed it.

      Reply
  15. KymmInBarcelona June 17, 2014 at 5:38 am

    ‘my father’s angry pipe’ is so perfect! Great write.

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      Thanks a bunch, Kymm! Appreciate your kind words.

      Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      Hah! I bet he said, “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

      Reply
  16. zeudytigre June 17, 2014 at 10:43 am

    Took me back to my teenage years

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      Sorry? Yay? You never know whether or not you’re stirring up bad memories. But stirring up something is good. 😉 Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Reply
  17. Jen June 17, 2014 at 11:01 am

    I know that sound and that smell. AND that feeling of knowing dad was angry. Love this.

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      Hah! Must have been a lot of pipe-smoking dads in the ’70s. Thanks for reading, as always, Jen. xoxo

      Reply
  18. MamaMickTerry June 17, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    Sound AND scent…well played! Loved it, Meg!
    I finally joined in the challenge…way too late! This was a fun prompt to work with.

    Reply
    1. Meg June 17, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      Yay, Michelle! Did you hitchhike? I’ll look for your post. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Reply
      1. MamaMickTerry June 17, 2014 at 4:09 pm

        Tee! Hee! I did hitchhike 🙂
        This was a really fun prompt and I loved seeing everyone’s take on it. Yours was my fav….shhhhh

        Reply
  19. Marcy June 17, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    I loved how sound and smell let you know about your father’s angry pipe. I remember those days of entering quietly, but getting caught anyway, too.

    Reply
    1. Meg June 24, 2014 at 9:48 am

      Thanks for commenting, Marcy. I remember my dad had a light switch in his bedroom on the second floor to a set of Gestapo-like floodlights into the backyard…when that light came on while I was talking to boys in the middle of the night…scary! LOL.

      Reply
  20. GennaClaire June 17, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    So descriptive. I can picture him waiting there. “Vanilla tobacco wafts darkly from the living room.” is delightful. Loved this!

    Reply
    1. Meg June 24, 2014 at 9:49 am

      Thanks so much, Genna. Just read your Holocaust piece. Very moved by it.

      Reply
  21. searchingforsubstance June 17, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    girl, that was good!! love the way it ends, but especially how the title rounds it out. (i could hear that voice in the background too.. “busted!”)

    Reply
    1. Meg June 24, 2014 at 9:49 am

      Hah! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

      Reply
  22. Kir Piccini June 18, 2014 at 8:10 am

    such a vivid piece, the language you used made my own cheeks blush with “uh-oh” 😉

    nice work!

    Reply
    1. Meg June 24, 2014 at 9:50 am

      Thank you, Kir! Means a lot.

      Reply
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  24. MamaMickTerry June 18, 2014 at 11:00 pm

    Woo! Hoo! Congrats on the top row 7!
    You’re gonna need a trophy case to house all of these 😉

    Reply
    1. Meg June 24, 2014 at 9:50 am

      <3 Thanks, Michelle!

      Reply
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  26. tedstrutz June 22, 2014 at 6:14 pm

    clink-click… yep that’s the sound. Scary stuff indeed.

    Reply
    1. Meg June 24, 2014 at 9:50 am

      Yep! 😉

      Reply

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