A Farewell to Fags

I’m talking about cigarettes.

When I told a colleague that I was taking two weeks off to quit smoking, she said, “I don’t think I can have an original thought without a cigarette.” It summed up my fear and loathing precisely.

Quitting smoking is like cutting off my hands—not just one hand, but both of them. How will I drink coffee? What will I do after I eat? How will I get out of bed in the morning? Why would I get out of bed?

I tried quitting, sort of, a couple of months ago. I started taking that new drug Chantix (the name makes me think of “shanty”) that blocks the nicotine-loving receptors in the brain. While it did wonders for the craving in between cigarettes, I still had to deal with the psychological addiction. And I was irrationally angry about everything. The minute work became stressful, I caved.

So I’m trying again. This time, I’m taking two weeks at Spa Pigspittle (aka home), hoping that I can use my spurts of anger more efficiently—maybe taking it out on the lilac bush that I need to trim. And sleeping. If I could just sleep my way through the next two weeks and wake up without wanting a cigarette…

Today, I smoked only 19 cigarettes in 24 hours. If you’re appalled, take note that I’ve been smoking at least 30-35 cigarettes a day for an embarrassing number of years. I miss the 11 cigarettes I didn’t smoke today already.

Baby steps.

6 Comments A Farewell to Fags

  1. Ruby Teagarden June 20, 2007 at 11:24 am

    Congratulations on your decision to put your health and well-being first. Instead of thinking about what you’ll miss, think about what lies at the end of the tunnel: a renewed sense of smell and taste and freedom from your enslavement to a corporation dedicated to addicting people to the means of their own death. Among other things, like setting an example for your friends who are still smoking. Sometimes we live one minute at a time.

  2. puddlehead June 20, 2007 at 12:23 pm

    Meg, that’s awesome, and I hope you’ll stick to it. I am also a smoker who, unfortunately, genuinely likes it. I have quit for a few months at a time before but always crumble like so many Jericho walls. I’ll *sort of* quit with you by nixing half my cigarette intake for the day. Ugh. Did I really just offer that up?

  3. Kate June 21, 2007 at 1:34 pm

    I have a strange relationship with Cigs. I haven’t had one since Monday, but I can guarantee by then end of the day tomorrow I will be a cranky, grump-a-saurous until I get one.

    I too hae the fears you have. I will not be as funy without smoking, what will I talk about? And other stupid insecurities….

    Being and addict sucks dong.

    I will put you in my prayers and wish you great strength!

    *yes I said dong and made a refernece to praying in the same post. That is how I roll*

  4. Cookie June 22, 2007 at 9:47 am

    I wish you luck. I wish I had some words of wisdom to share, but I don’t. It’s going to suck. Just grit your teeth (cry and throw things) and get through it.

  5. Meg June 22, 2007 at 9:52 pm

    Thanks, my friends, for your words of wisdom and support. I’m gritting my teeth and crying and throwing things (at least, in my head) constantly. Lucky you don’t live with me. 😉

  6. Hetts June 26, 2007 at 1:03 pm

    Meg…stay strong and focused and you’ll kick the habit. If you ever waver, just think of the crap I got to go through without benefit of smoking. You don’t want anything to do with this so persevere and know we’re all rooting for you!


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