Responding to today’s Daily Prompt, I offer this:
Every day since December 4, 2008, I have sweated the small stuff thinking that little twinge in my back, the slight burn in my chest, and an aching in my left arm were signs of a heart attack. Not a day goes by that this is not my worst case scenario. Five-plus years of cardiac fear? Could anything be more boring to write about?
Instead, I’d like to imagine new things that could go wrong. Here’s my list:
- My denture falls out when I sneeze while speaking to a group.
- I walk around with the back of my skirt tucked into my underwear, unknowingly.
- I find out that my co-workers don’t actually like me. They feel sorry for me.
- I discover that my co-workers are actually zombies.
- The real Zombie Apocalypse is not as funny as Shaun of the Dead or Zombieland.
- My cats learn to speak English, and they tell me they are Republicans.
- Birds follow me around. Everywhere.
- A crazy Tea Partier drives me off the road because of my Obama bumper sticker.
- I’m not as smart as I thought I was.
- Chocolate disappears from the face of the earth, thanks to aliens.
Best thing that could happen? I stop worrying about having another heart attack.