Past midnight, I open the door, stepping in quietly. I hear the clink-click and strike of the Zippo lighter, followed by three quick puffs. Vanilla tobacco wafts darkly from the living room. My father’s angry pipe wants to know where I’ve been.
you may ask yourself, well, how did i get here
Past midnight, I open the door, stepping in quietly. I hear the clink-click and strike of the Zippo lighter, followed by three quick puffs. Vanilla tobacco wafts darkly from the living room. My father’s angry pipe wants to know where I’ve been.
Very nice–I love all the sounds and the way you’ve included smell and vision (it’s dark, but I can “see” both characters).
Thanks, Jennifer! Never limit yourself to one sense. 😉
I wasn’t sure where this was going during your build up. My shoulders relaxed when I read it was your father checking you were ok. Nice choice of words/build up!
Much appreciated…glad there was a smidgen of suspense in there.
“Vanilla tobacco wafts darkly from the living room.” Very evocative.
Thank you! I wasn’t sure about using “darkly” — can a smell be dark?..but vanilla tobacco is so thick and wrapped up in memory for me that “darkly” was the only word I could imagine fitting.
I know what you mean, but it fits like a glove!
Your writing brings back memories, for sure! Nicely done. 🙂
I hope they are good memories… Thanks, Susan!
The smoking pipe does the talking. Brilliant.
Hah! Thanks. It seemed like an authoritative pipe.
Such a commanding presence in this one without the two characters saying a word! And the way you described the Zippo lighter igniting is spot on.
Thank you, Nate! What triggered this was hearing my husband light a cigarette with his Zippo lighter in another room. How many times have I heard that sound throughout my life, and how little attention have I given it?
fantastic sights and sounds. i was right there with you.
A great compliment — thank you, Christina!
Wonderful take on the prompt, Kir. I could hear the lighter. I could smell the tobacco. I could feel the fear 😉
Sorry, Meg ^ Kir’s pic/post is right next to yours on the grid, and I was thinking about reading her’s next. ADD is the bane of my existence.
Hah! No worries, Karen. I’m on a marathon reading of Gargleblasters.
Love your use of personification here, Meg! And great imagery – I felt like I was there in the room. 🙂
Thanks so much, Suzanne. Although this is fiction, I definitely lived with that pipe growing up…I think it earned its authority. 😉
Ruh-roh! That is how a fathers presence should be felt! I love this !
Hah! I hadn’t thought of that but you’re right. Thanks!
I love the sounds, along with the image those sound provoke. I wonder what happens next!
Well, my father would have put me “on restriction.” Do parents use that term anymore? Sounds awfully militaristic. LOL. Thanks, TMW!
I loved this! The scent and the dread are vivid.
I’m glad you liked it. Much appreciated!
Excellent work…
Thanks so much, Jacqueline!
I love this because certain smells/images truly do conjure up specific memories for us, and also because it evokes that too-familiar feeling of impending trouble when you realize you are absolutely busted!
Yes, our brains can be mighty powerful in attaching meaning to what we sense. Fascinating how much work all those motor neurons need to do to make that happen. Thanks for reading and commenting, C.C.!
I’ve been on both sides of this one. I remember missing curfew, and not understanding why my parents overreacted… Then I remember both of my children missing curfew, and I totally understood my parents reaction. Well done. You evoked a lot of memories with your post.
God bless you,
Cheryl
Thanks, Cheryl. Yeah, it’s funny how easy it is now to understand what seemed so punitive as children.
Written beautifully…the images moved infront of me..as I read..:)
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
awesomely captured! I felt I was in the room
Thank you — so glad you enjoyed it.
‘my father’s angry pipe’ is so perfect! Great write.
Thanks a bunch, Kymm! Appreciate your kind words.
Oh man! I bet he turned and walked out the door 😉
Hah! I bet he said, “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”
Took me back to my teenage years
Sorry? Yay? You never know whether or not you’re stirring up bad memories. But stirring up something is good. 😉 Thanks for reading and commenting!
I know that sound and that smell. AND that feeling of knowing dad was angry. Love this.
Hah! Must have been a lot of pipe-smoking dads in the ’70s. Thanks for reading, as always, Jen. xoxo
Sound AND scent…well played! Loved it, Meg!
I finally joined in the challenge…way too late! This was a fun prompt to work with.
Yay, Michelle! Did you hitchhike? I’ll look for your post. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Tee! Hee! I did hitchhike 🙂
This was a really fun prompt and I loved seeing everyone’s take on it. Yours was my fav….shhhhh
I loved how sound and smell let you know about your father’s angry pipe. I remember those days of entering quietly, but getting caught anyway, too.
Thanks for commenting, Marcy. I remember my dad had a light switch in his bedroom on the second floor to a set of Gestapo-like floodlights into the backyard…when that light came on while I was talking to boys in the middle of the night…scary! LOL.
So descriptive. I can picture him waiting there. “Vanilla tobacco wafts darkly from the living room.” is delightful. Loved this!
Thanks so much, Genna. Just read your Holocaust piece. Very moved by it.
girl, that was good!! love the way it ends, but especially how the title rounds it out. (i could hear that voice in the background too.. “busted!”)
Hah! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
such a vivid piece, the language you used made my own cheeks blush with “uh-oh” 😉
nice work!
Thank you, Kir! Means a lot.
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Woo! Hoo! Congrats on the top row 7!
You’re gonna need a trophy case to house all of these 😉
<3 Thanks, Michelle!
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clink-click… yep that’s the sound. Scary stuff indeed.
Yep! 😉